Clemens vs Brooks

Ok, Roger, I was so backing you for so long. I really want to believe that you did not do steroids. I had also decided that it really didn't matter. You were one of the best pitchers the game has seen. But while searching for a picture of you today I came across this story.

Sorry Rog, but I can no longer stand back and let you throw people under the bus. If you want to throw your wife under the bus that's one thing, she has the option of making your ass sleep on the couch. But don't mess with anyone from Oklahoma.

We don't smoke marijuana at the courthouse and we certainly don't attend steroid parties with baseball players in New York City!

Here's the article I'm talking about:

Clemens Claims It Was Garth Brooks At The Canseco Party
By Buster Gunning

Roger Clemens has been under intense pressure to come clean in regards to the steroid allegations mentioned in the now infamous Mitchell Report. The latest accusation has Mr. Clemens mingling at a Jose Canseco celebration back in 2008 and allegedly inquiring to the brother of Ozzie Canseco on how to obtain “performance enhancing drugs.

In his latest statement, Clemens denies being at the party and claims the video footage portraying him at the shindig was actually country music legend Garth Brooks.

Taken from Roger Clemens latest press release: “I never asked Jose Canseco how to acquire performance enhancing drugs because I was never at his party. I reviewed the videotaped evidence against me and I can prove that I was never at that party to begin with.

“For starters, I don’t wear my cowboy hat in public. Second, and you can ask anybody who is close to me, I have never played an impromptu version of ‘Dixie Chicken’ not even after ingesting multiple ecstasy tablets have I dared attempt such a feat in public.”

Mr. Clemens' chief lawyer Rusty Hardin explained that it is the opinion of Clemens and his judicial council that the man the authorities have identified as the condemned pitcher is actually country music hero Garth Brooks.

According to Hardin: "It is widely know within country music circles that singer Garth Brooks has been taking steroids since the early-nineties. In fact, if you listen to the lyrics ‘The Thunder Rolls’ he uses thunder rolling as a metaphor for shooting up. This following passage taken from the album ‘No Fences’ explains Mr. Brooks reaction to getting caught shooting up in the bathroom. As you can plainly see, even after his secret was revealed, Mr. Brooks was not deterred in any way and continued his injection.”

She rushes out to hold him
Thankful he's alive
But on the wind and rain
A strange new perfume blows
And the lightnin' flashes in her eyes
And he knows that she knows
And the thunder rolls
And the thunder rolls
(Buster Gunning is well aware that waiting is not spelled “waitin” and lightening is not spelled “lightnin’ and apologizes for any confusion this may have created).

Garth Brooks was unavailable for comment, however sources close to the country music icon have reported him livid with the accusations and some rumors have him challenging Mr. Clemens to a good old fashioned duel to the death. No weapons.