up or down?

Life is full of ups and downs. At what point does a person begin counting the ups vs the downs?

I'm not sure how to tell positives against negatives right now. People tell me that this will be one of the most difficult periods in my life, and it will make me stronger. So does that make it a positive?

Good question...

Life is like Baseball...

I knew in January that I was loved "too much."

Instead of dealing with it then I decided to keep living the lie. I convinced myself that if I loved him enough, he would love me in return.

What happened... he told me that I'm the most wonderful woman he has ever known. He feels comfortable with me and knows that I love him. He said the problem is that he cares for me too much and he knew he would only break my heart.

I never asked for anything more than he could give. I dreamed of a life with him. I went on falling deeper into love not realizing he was not going with me.

This isn't anyone's fault. It just happened. The timing of the broken heart wasn't the best. But then, as I told him in January, a broken heart hurts the same no matter when it happens.

Lesson learned is that I am still the same old me. A little wiser, hopefully. I always tend to land on my feet. My mom told me once that I have a guardian angel assigned just to me. I believe that very much. I've been pulled out of too many close calls for this to not be true.

I have very strong family values. My family has always come first. It saddens me that I'm left alone again. But, I am strong enough to overcome this part of my life. I still have a year of classes to complete, a loving family, a steady paycheck and wonderful friends.

This morning I realized that life is like baseball... in baseball there are two constants, a first and a last out - everything in between is what you make of it. In life, you are born and you die - make the best of the time you are given and the rewards will be there in the end.

long days and pleasant nights...

Away too long...

It's been almost a year since my last post. Many things have happened in the last year.

The need to get things off my chest is very strong...

The last two years have been very difficult for those closest to my heart. My mom was diagnosed with bladder cancer. She underwent chemo and a nasty operation that ultimately left her without a bladder and a plethora of other issues.

We were blessed with two more precious years of Mom in our lives. These weren't easy years. They were filled with many doctor visits and almost as many trips to the hospital. Over this time my sister and I were witness to a miracle that few see. True love was shown to us. My parents love for one another never faltered thru the pain of cancer.

Daddy had a stroke that threatened to take his ability to walk. We saw him fight his own body to be able to make it to the hospital for Mom's "big" surgery. We saw Mom battle her illness to keep a job long enough for insurance to cover what Daddy needed.

In the end, we saw our Daddy sit in a hospital room for two solid weeks holding the hand of his life-long partner, best friend, love. Most of that time she couldn't speak to us. Among her last words she made my sister and me promise we would take care of Daddy, and she asked him to stay with her because she "can't leave without him." When the last breath left her body, he was holding her hand telling her how much he loves her.

True love is rare, in my opinion. My mom saw my dad a year before he ever knew she existed. She fell in love with him the first moment her eyes gazed upon him. She and her best friend conspired to make the first meeting perfect. These details are lost to us. But, on their third date my Dad asked my Mom to marry him. I don't know how either of them "knew" it would last 47 years. I'm sure they had their problems. Parents tend to hide those things from the children.

There were stressers in their marriage: an alcoholic father-in-law, two over-bearing and strong-willed mothers-in-law; money issues... they managed to stay together thru it all.

I miss my mom very much. It hurts when I see something and go to pick up the phone and call her about it. I'm told time will heal this wound.

One lesson I will treasure from the lesson of 2011 - True Love does exist. It is out there, I just hope it exists for me.

I had a glimpse at it for awhile. I have also learned that what I want is a long term companion. A man that loves me as much as I love him. My best friend, with benefits. The search has started again for this man...

Long days and pleasant nights to ye...