Life is better

So far, so good!
I made it to Walmart by 7:15 this morning and was back at my apartment by 7:25. I now have two brand new tires on the front end, which is good, because I have front wheel drive. I also now have road hazard protection. So if these tires blow again, I get them free!
The walk was ok. It wasn’t as scary crossing 71st Street in the daylight. Also at that time of day, there really aren’t too many cars.
I am dead tired though. I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind didn’t want to shut down. And it didn’t help that Millie stayed up very late chewing on a chew toy. When I asked her to stop, for the hundredth time, she just licked my nose and went about chewing.
Toodles for now…

Doin' 12 oz Curls - I Ain't Lazy

Have you ever had a time in your life when you truly believe that God and Lucifer are haggling over your soul like they did Job?
The Zoloft is now back on my bathroom counter. And it has had plenty of time to kick in – Thank God for that small mercy – and I’m having the worst run of luck.
Saturday, I had my bald tire replaced, leaving me with 4 tires that were under 18 months old.
Sunday, I weigh. I’ve lost 3 more pounds!!!!
Monday, I go to my first 3-month appointment. What I thought was an STD and was content to live without sex the rest of my life to avoid again, turns out wasn’t really an STD. I am carrying an active HPV virus, which we are all born with, and it can turn cancerous again, yes I said again, without cause. So, with or without sex, I can get cervical cancer. Ok, I’m digesting this. How do I feel about that type of risk? The only thing I can do to keep it away is go to the Doctor an awful lot. As she said today, we are going to get to know one another very well.
Then on my way home from work, I had a blowout! One of the tires that is relatively new, is now shreds. So, I limp to Walmart at 71st & Memorial. Wait at the waiting area for some ten minutes and am completely ignored. I finally found someone, by walking into the mechanics area without permission, and asked if they are still taking customers. The answer was a simple “No”. I began calling my sister and brother-in-law and got answering machines. I called my mom and dad. Why? They live in McAlester, what good could they do? Well, they are MOMMA and DADDY and that means they have magical powers, right?
Turns out I handled the situation correctly enough that God gave me a break. I found a man that turned out to be the boss, asked him if I could leave my car and walk back in the morning and be there when they opened. He looked at me, for the first time actually acknowledging my existence, and said, I’ll get a ticket written up and we’ll do it tonight.
This is where the Heavenly Angels began singing Alleluias…
So, I waited another eternity, and the salesman, Jim, who knows me very well, because this is the second tire in that number of days that he has sold me, starts a ticket. I told him I would just leave the car and be back in the morning. After all, I do live walking distance from this particular Walmart.
Again, a Chorus of Angels begin singing, this time is was more like “…so when the world starts spinnin and your head hurts… there’s cheap bourbon whiskey and pearl snap shirts…” Yes, there is room for real country in Heaven.
Jim, the sales guy insists that I let him and his girl friend give me a ride home. I guess he could hear Boland also and knew that I had gone to my “Happy Place.”
I walked home. I know, it was Tulsa, and it was after dark, and I was wearing heals. But I cut thru the mall and stayed where store security cameras would catch me no matter where I was.
So now, I’m home. My sister and brother-in-law have been notified that I’m alive and well so far. My car is spending the night at Walmart. That will teach it to misbehave. And my rum and diet coke is almost gone. So, I’ll say good night for now and let you know how the morning turns out.

Please don't call the Police

What a week it is turning out to be. When I got out of my car at home last night I could hear Toby. This is not a good thing. I knew the collar batteries were getting low, and now they were apparently dead. Then the door was hard to get open, another sign the anti-bark collars weren't working. Millie again tried to dig her way out and the collar didn't stop her. It's 7pm, I'm starving, but I repair the carpet, and leash the dachshunds and off we go. I went to 3 different pet stores before finding replacement batteries. A little disgusted because I actually ordered the batteries from the manufacturer 2 weeks ago and still haven't received them. They are now installed and working. Millie tested hers this morning.
The first pet store I visited, I actually loaded the babies into a shopping cart and took them in with me. All was well until an old woman decided to argue with me that I have standard dachshunds not mini's because they were a LOT bigger than any mini she has ever seen. Just wait until they are at their proper weight, I'll search her out and show her they really are mini's.
I was up and at the park by 7:25 this morning. My PT told me to add disbursements of jogging to my walking. So I walked 1.5 miles and jogged .5 miles. It just about killed me. Tonight she is starting me on weight training. I'll update you on that progress if my arms don't fall off.
Toodles for now!

A New Toby

Toby actually has a waistline now. He is also acting very much like a puppy. If you have never lived with Toby, let me explain.
Toby came to live with Nicole, Huck and me after our beloved Bo went onto another dimension. He was already 9 months old at that point. Huck never allowed Toby to learn the art of fetch. You see, Huck's version of fetch is more like "search and totally destroy." So getting Toby to actually chase after a tennis ball and bring it back is a chore. Once Huck went to live on a farm and Snoop left to live with Bo, I began working with Toby on the wonderful game of fetch. We have NEVER been able to get him to retrieve the toy more than 5 times. Since the heartworm episode and Millie coming into our family, he has totally loathed the game. Millie, loves it.
So it was very surprising when Toby brought me his favorite toy and dropped it at my feet, with his tail wagging! I threw the toy, and of course he runs off to get it (another unusual site) and then immediately runs under the bed so no one else can throw it again.
It has been a rough year with him. Heartworms are nothing to take lightly. He wasn't allowed to have much movement for months. So, he ate and ate and ate. His healthy weight is supposed to be 10 pounds, two weeks ago he weighed a whopping 16 pounds. You may not think that's a lot, but it is almost double what he is supposed to be. I read that every pound a dog weighs is equal to 20 human pounds. So, I have an obese dog! As of Sunday morning, he was down to 14 pounds and Millie is a little over 12 pounds.

Sinclaire Came to Visit

What a day! We went to McDonald's. One with a playground. All she wanted to eat was 2 french fries and 2 ketchup's. So I order her a hamburger happy meal and myself a grilled chicken sandwich meal. By the time I get back with her drink, she had decided that my fries taste better and has switched her small order for my medium. Honestly, she was probably just trying to help me out on my diet. Then we go see Bridge To Taribithia. It was a little over her head, but I cried. We averted a small disaster when Aunt Tammie finally gave in and bought her some popcorn. Silly me, didn't realize it was physically impossible to watch a movie without popcorn. After the movie, I asked her if she would like to take a few minutes to visit mommie in the hospital. She let me know we didn't have time. You see, Millie had been at home for a very long time and if she had to wait any longer to go potty, well, she would begin hurting.

So, we rushed home to save Millie and Toby from hurting. Then it began, she and Millie ran and ran and ran and ran outside. Then we went inside and they ran and jumped and squealed and ran and jumped and you get the picture.
Needless to say, Gigi and Papa were given 5 hours of much needed rest. Sinclaire, Millie and Toby slept very well Saturday night! Laura and Emme will be in the hospital one more night. Then the fun begins for the four of them.

Happy Birthday Emerson

Welcome to this wonderful, awful world - Emerson Ellen Margaret Kemp was born this morning. Big sister is almost as proud as Mommie and Daddy. And let's not mention Gigi and Papa.

I went to visit them at lunch. When I opened the door I was greeted with "AUNT TAMMIE!!! Come here and look at my baby." Of course then it was... Aunt Tammie only pay attention to me...
One of Sinclaire's presents is getting to spend a day with Aunt Tammie. You may think that isn't a fun present, but she is 4 and still loves hanging out with me. We have a funpacked day ahead of us. Stay tuned for pics of our big adventure. In the meantime you can just look in wonder at our beautiful baby girl...

Only in Tammieland

The morning started off just fine. Millie woke up 15 minutes before the alarm went off. She jumped off the bed and whined. I picked her up and she snuggled until she heard the alarm, then it was all out ATTACK THE MOMMIE mode. I put on a pot of coffee, took 20 minutes to add the 30 layers of clothing to myself and sweaters the babies for the 5 minute walk outside. We were surprised by the snow on the ground. But it wasn’t slick so we were fine.
The dachshund diet food is beginning to taste better. At least they are eating it now. I showered, drank coffee, grabbed my lunch and off to work I go. So I thought.
Once at the car, I followed my normal Winter routine: get in the car, place my purse on the passenger seat, coffee in the drink holder, turn on the engine, clear off the windshield and back window. I then usually get back in the car and head off to work.
This morning, however, my routine was interrupted by a slight wind that gently closed my car door. In the process locking me out of the car. So I think, ok, I’ll go upstairs and call a locksmith. What am I thinking?!!! My apt is locked, the key is in my purse - locked in the car! And my phone? Also in my purse. What a conundrum.
So, I walk to the apartment complex office. The secretary loves me and laughed heartily with me when I told her my predicament. The first locksmith I called had an answering machine on. Then, Divine Intervention – in the middle of the next page – Sooner Lock & Key. I’m wearing my Sooner hoodie today! I call and within 20 minutes am on my way to work.
Having a child attending really has blessed me...OU really is the land of the gods!

A Tapeworm?

Ok, going out on a limb here, but how on earth do you get a 25 ft tapeworm in your body? I know it’s just a tv show, but it’s HOUSE and I assume everything on that show is real, even Greg House. Jo and I have an agreement that if something weird ever happens to me, she is going to get House to be my doctor. We know that with him as my attending, I will almost die three times then someone will say something to him or he will see something or he will play his piano and miraculously figure out what’s wrong just in time to save my life. While he is trying to save my life, she gets to hang out with the doctors.
So I was stunned when he actually pulled a tapeworm that liked B12 out of the girl; then horrified to learn that I have to wait 3 weeks to see the show again. I am happy to find that we are getting back to the way things were - House is a jerk, Cameron is secretly in love with him, Foreman and what’s-his-name are taking turns being jerks… Wilson is sharing his sandwiches with House and Cutty is well Cutty.

Life

Life is funny. When I was 18 I dreamed of living in a penthouse in NYC with a dachsund. I would be single and loving it!
Now I'm 41, living in a one bedroom apt in Tulsa with 2 dachsunds and loving it... Let me explain. Life took me in directions I definately never planned. But in the process I was given a beautiful wonderful daughter. I have become mature enough to know better and still not care sometimes. My confidnece is growing to the point that I actually had the "nerve" to confront a co-worker that might have been out of line. Now I've become a folklore, of sorts.
This morning my daughter was in the absolute grouchiest mood. She was ready to shoot the world and maybe ask questions later, but maybe not. Then she received a package from her mother. What was in the surprise package? Oh, a Chocolate flavored candle, chocolate bubble bath and of course a huge dark chocolate hershey's kiss. In a few moments her life had gone from awful to wonderful.
Life is well, funny.

It's a Dog's World

Does this purple dragon slaying dachsund look like he has heartworms? Well I'm very happy to announce that he is now heartworm free! He wasn't very happy with doc davis for poking his leg again. He even thought about biting down on the doc's thumb. Instead he just cuddled as close to me as he could and shivered. He was also placed on a diet. Seems he is just like his mommie, a bit on the heavy side. In the meantime Millie was all over the clinic making it clear that she was NOT happy to be ignored. Toby was getting ALL the attention...

In other news...Munchkin came to visit for a night.He was very helpful with the laundry. Toby was thrilled to have another person here for Millie to boss around. We had fun walking all 3 of them at the same time. Millie even learned that not every dog will give in to her total cuteness and allow her to have control of every chew toy in Tulsa. She did win the Queen of the Mountain game several times.

What a Weekend

First, it was and extremely cold weekend. So cold neither dachsund complained about wearing sweaters. Of course I did have to promise Toby that he wouldn't be seen in a sweater. So you can only see Millie. And isn't she adorable?
Nicole came to visit. She was told of the misery that the puppies must always endure. They never get hugs and kisses and stuff like that. She believed every word. Then Sunday I gave in and admitted that I am not a person that can learn Algebra without a teacher and more motivation. Then Daddy came to visit. We had a heck of a time.
Millie built him a fire and we watched Andy Griffith and MASH and something about the Bible.
Oh and CONGRATS COLTS!!!!!

Happy Birthday Millie

The absolute cutist little girl living in the Kolker residence turned 1 today. We celebrated this morning with a brand new chew bone. Of course she still prefers to chew on Toby and me...

SNOW-klahoma

Found this new rendition of our State Song on www.KTUL.com

SNOW-klahoma,
where the cold fronts sweepin' down the plain;
And the piles of sleet beneath your feet
Follow right behind the freezing rain.

SNOW-klahoma,
Ev'ry night my honey lamb and I
Travel home from work and hope some jerk
Doesn't wreck our car in passing by.

We know we belong to the land
But it could use more salt and more sand!

And when we say
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!
We're only sayin' you're slick as snot,
SNOW-klahoma!
SNOW-klahoma, Oy Vey!

From Sharlyn, a viewer.