Life is full of ups and downs. At what point does a person begin counting the ups vs the downs?
I'm not sure how to tell positives against negatives right now. People tell me that this will be one of the most difficult periods in my life, and it will make me stronger. So does that make it a positive?
Good question...
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Life is like Baseball...
I knew in January that I was loved "too much."
Instead of dealing with it then I decided to keep living the lie. I convinced myself that if I loved him enough, he would love me in return.
What happened... he told me that I'm the most wonderful woman he has ever known. He feels comfortable with me and knows that I love him. He said the problem is that he cares for me too much and he knew he would only break my heart.
I never asked for anything more than he could give. I dreamed of a life with him. I went on falling deeper into love not realizing he was not going with me.
This isn't anyone's fault. It just happened. The timing of the broken heart wasn't the best. But then, as I told him in January, a broken heart hurts the same no matter when it happens.
Lesson learned is that I am still the same old me. A little wiser, hopefully. I always tend to land on my feet. My mom told me once that I have a guardian angel assigned just to me. I believe that very much. I've been pulled out of too many close calls for this to not be true.
I have very strong family values. My family has always come first. It saddens me that I'm left alone again. But, I am strong enough to overcome this part of my life. I still have a year of classes to complete, a loving family, a steady paycheck and wonderful friends.
This morning I realized that life is like baseball... in baseball there are two constants, a first and a last out - everything in between is what you make of it. In life, you are born and you die - make the best of the time you are given and the rewards will be there in the end.
long days and pleasant nights...
Instead of dealing with it then I decided to keep living the lie. I convinced myself that if I loved him enough, he would love me in return.
What happened... he told me that I'm the most wonderful woman he has ever known. He feels comfortable with me and knows that I love him. He said the problem is that he cares for me too much and he knew he would only break my heart.
I never asked for anything more than he could give. I dreamed of a life with him. I went on falling deeper into love not realizing he was not going with me.
This isn't anyone's fault. It just happened. The timing of the broken heart wasn't the best. But then, as I told him in January, a broken heart hurts the same no matter when it happens.
Lesson learned is that I am still the same old me. A little wiser, hopefully. I always tend to land on my feet. My mom told me once that I have a guardian angel assigned just to me. I believe that very much. I've been pulled out of too many close calls for this to not be true.
I have very strong family values. My family has always come first. It saddens me that I'm left alone again. But, I am strong enough to overcome this part of my life. I still have a year of classes to complete, a loving family, a steady paycheck and wonderful friends.
This morning I realized that life is like baseball... in baseball there are two constants, a first and a last out - everything in between is what you make of it. In life, you are born and you die - make the best of the time you are given and the rewards will be there in the end.
long days and pleasant nights...
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Away too long...
It's been almost a year since my last post. Many things have happened in the last year.
The need to get things off my chest is very strong...
The last two years have been very difficult for those closest to my heart. My mom was diagnosed with bladder cancer. She underwent chemo and a nasty operation that ultimately left her without a bladder and a plethora of other issues.
We were blessed with two more precious years of Mom in our lives. These weren't easy years. They were filled with many doctor visits and almost as many trips to the hospital. Over this time my sister and I were witness to a miracle that few see. True love was shown to us. My parents love for one another never faltered thru the pain of cancer.
Daddy had a stroke that threatened to take his ability to walk. We saw him fight his own body to be able to make it to the hospital for Mom's "big" surgery. We saw Mom battle her illness to keep a job long enough for insurance to cover what Daddy needed.
In the end, we saw our Daddy sit in a hospital room for two solid weeks holding the hand of his life-long partner, best friend, love. Most of that time she couldn't speak to us. Among her last words she made my sister and me promise we would take care of Daddy, and she asked him to stay with her because she "can't leave without him." When the last breath left her body, he was holding her hand telling her how much he loves her.
True love is rare, in my opinion. My mom saw my dad a year before he ever knew she existed. She fell in love with him the first moment her eyes gazed upon him. She and her best friend conspired to make the first meeting perfect. These details are lost to us. But, on their third date my Dad asked my Mom to marry him. I don't know how either of them "knew" it would last 47 years. I'm sure they had their problems. Parents tend to hide those things from the children.
There were stressers in their marriage: an alcoholic father-in-law, two over-bearing and strong-willed mothers-in-law; money issues... they managed to stay together thru it all.
I miss my mom very much. It hurts when I see something and go to pick up the phone and call her about it. I'm told time will heal this wound.
One lesson I will treasure from the lesson of 2011 - True Love does exist. It is out there, I just hope it exists for me.
I had a glimpse at it for awhile. I have also learned that what I want is a long term companion. A man that loves me as much as I love him. My best friend, with benefits. The search has started again for this man...
Long days and pleasant nights to ye...
The need to get things off my chest is very strong...
The last two years have been very difficult for those closest to my heart. My mom was diagnosed with bladder cancer. She underwent chemo and a nasty operation that ultimately left her without a bladder and a plethora of other issues.
We were blessed with two more precious years of Mom in our lives. These weren't easy years. They were filled with many doctor visits and almost as many trips to the hospital. Over this time my sister and I were witness to a miracle that few see. True love was shown to us. My parents love for one another never faltered thru the pain of cancer.
Daddy had a stroke that threatened to take his ability to walk. We saw him fight his own body to be able to make it to the hospital for Mom's "big" surgery. We saw Mom battle her illness to keep a job long enough for insurance to cover what Daddy needed.
In the end, we saw our Daddy sit in a hospital room for two solid weeks holding the hand of his life-long partner, best friend, love. Most of that time she couldn't speak to us. Among her last words she made my sister and me promise we would take care of Daddy, and she asked him to stay with her because she "can't leave without him." When the last breath left her body, he was holding her hand telling her how much he loves her.
True love is rare, in my opinion. My mom saw my dad a year before he ever knew she existed. She fell in love with him the first moment her eyes gazed upon him. She and her best friend conspired to make the first meeting perfect. These details are lost to us. But, on their third date my Dad asked my Mom to marry him. I don't know how either of them "knew" it would last 47 years. I'm sure they had their problems. Parents tend to hide those things from the children.
There were stressers in their marriage: an alcoholic father-in-law, two over-bearing and strong-willed mothers-in-law; money issues... they managed to stay together thru it all.
I miss my mom very much. It hurts when I see something and go to pick up the phone and call her about it. I'm told time will heal this wound.
One lesson I will treasure from the lesson of 2011 - True Love does exist. It is out there, I just hope it exists for me.
I had a glimpse at it for awhile. I have also learned that what I want is a long term companion. A man that loves me as much as I love him. My best friend, with benefits. The search has started again for this man...
Long days and pleasant nights to ye...
Monday, June 28, 2010
Battle of I-70
The second trip of the summer is now history...
Patty kept the pups. They generally enjoy their time with Aunt Patty and Uncle Jimmy, this past weekend was no disappointment to them.
I made my way North on 75 by way of West US 400 and 80 miles of countryside that I will hopefully never see again...
Friday night Greinke was pitching for the Royals. I'm assuming that LaRussa knew we were outmatched going up against the 2009 Cy Young award winning pitcher for the AL. So he played pretty much he second string. We lost, but Terry had a good time and since he was driving - well it worked out.
Saturday's game was a scorcher. LaRussa used the bullpen exclusively for the pitching staff - beginning with the starter. The rest of the team was the A-Team and we won!
The games were incredible. I won't go into the boring detail since you can always hop on over to mlb.com and get that for yourself.
The time spent with family was cherished. Terry has an incredible family. Three very active children, Scott, Macy and Morgan. There is never a dull moment at that house. I had the privilege of watching Scott play baseball. Louie and Aunt Ellen came also, and it was fun visiting in the 100 degree heat with them.
The weekend was too short.
Long days and pleasant nights.
Patty kept the pups. They generally enjoy their time with Aunt Patty and Uncle Jimmy, this past weekend was no disappointment to them.
I made my way North on 75 by way of West US 400 and 80 miles of countryside that I will hopefully never see again...
Friday night Greinke was pitching for the Royals. I'm assuming that LaRussa knew we were outmatched going up against the 2009 Cy Young award winning pitcher for the AL. So he played pretty much he second string. We lost, but Terry had a good time and since he was driving - well it worked out.
Saturday's game was a scorcher. LaRussa used the bullpen exclusively for the pitching staff - beginning with the starter. The rest of the team was the A-Team and we won!
The games were incredible. I won't go into the boring detail since you can always hop on over to mlb.com and get that for yourself.
The time spent with family was cherished. Terry has an incredible family. Three very active children, Scott, Macy and Morgan. There is never a dull moment at that house. I had the privilege of watching Scott play baseball. Louie and Aunt Ellen came also, and it was fun visiting in the 100 degree heat with them.
The weekend was too short.
Long days and pleasant nights.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Ups and Downs
Everyone that has known me for more than a decade knows that I have had my ups and downs with my weight. It is generally tied to my current emotional state and what is going on around me at the time.
Due to the events of 2009, I took a very serious look at myself. I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw on the outside nor the inside.
The explanation to that is...
I didn't like that my clothes were getting tight and it wouldn't be long until I had to purchase a size larger.
I didn't like that all my life I had been on yo-yo diets with no real focus. There were pills and diet plans designed to drop weight fast. But I always came back to the cheeseburgers and pizza. Braums drive-thru and Mazzio's delivery are simply too convenient.
So as a Christmas present to myself, I bought a cheapo treadmill and it arrived the day after Christmas. By chance I found a co-worker that became my biggest cheerleader and unofficial coach. She is an exercise freak compared to me. The first week was hell. I couldn't even walk on the treadmill for 2 minutes without thinking my lungs were going to explode.
At the same time, I began ridding my kitchen of anything that was processed or contained white flour. Walking to work became almost the norm a couple times a week. The toughest times were those days that I had to wear three layers of clothing and hiking boots then avoid the cars sliding down the mountain on the ice. Co-workers have become so accustomed to seeing me walk that they only slow long enough for me to acknowledge the wave.
In April my employer announced a biggest loser competition. I was asked to join the first team that formed. Still not happy with my weight and the fact that the scale didn't seem to be moving.
Our team captain has been a champion in giving me pointers and teaching me how to overcome obstacles. Everyone at work that is participating in the challenge is a winner.
We had our mid challenge weigh-in last week. Today I found out that I was the second biggest loser. My goal is in sight. The next goal is set. The ultimate goal is to be healthy the next 44 years.
long days and pleasant nights
Due to the events of 2009, I took a very serious look at myself. I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw on the outside nor the inside.
The explanation to that is...
I didn't like that my clothes were getting tight and it wouldn't be long until I had to purchase a size larger.
I didn't like that all my life I had been on yo-yo diets with no real focus. There were pills and diet plans designed to drop weight fast. But I always came back to the cheeseburgers and pizza. Braums drive-thru and Mazzio's delivery are simply too convenient.
So as a Christmas present to myself, I bought a cheapo treadmill and it arrived the day after Christmas. By chance I found a co-worker that became my biggest cheerleader and unofficial coach. She is an exercise freak compared to me. The first week was hell. I couldn't even walk on the treadmill for 2 minutes without thinking my lungs were going to explode.
At the same time, I began ridding my kitchen of anything that was processed or contained white flour. Walking to work became almost the norm a couple times a week. The toughest times were those days that I had to wear three layers of clothing and hiking boots then avoid the cars sliding down the mountain on the ice. Co-workers have become so accustomed to seeing me walk that they only slow long enough for me to acknowledge the wave.
In April my employer announced a biggest loser competition. I was asked to join the first team that formed. Still not happy with my weight and the fact that the scale didn't seem to be moving.
Our team captain has been a champion in giving me pointers and teaching me how to overcome obstacles. Everyone at work that is participating in the challenge is a winner.
We had our mid challenge weigh-in last week. Today I found out that I was the second biggest loser. My goal is in sight. The next goal is set. The ultimate goal is to be healthy the next 44 years.
long days and pleasant nights
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day
Today is the day each year that we set aside to say thanks to all those men that have left the fun of their lives to become a super hero, horsie, guidance counselor, t-ball coach and overall Greatest Man on Earth.It only takes a small amount of sperm and 2 minutes to Father a child.
To be a Daddy it takes years. A Daddy is always there for the tears and the joy. Your daddy stays up all night December 24 putting together that new train set and making sure it works while eating the cookies left for Santa.
Daddy takes your dog to the vet when you notice he isn't just quite right before school. Then is waiting for you after school crying because there was nothing the vet could do to save him.
Daddy comes home after 14 hours on the road hauling plumbing supplies and spends 2 hours trying to get you to understand the concept of x=y. Then takes time to go talk to the teacher to get any pointers on how to help you get it.
Daddy gets up at 2am on Saturday morning and makes sure you are on the bus and off to the next speech competition. He is sitting in the back of the room hearing all those nights of practice run through his head as you act them out for the judges. His arms are waiting when you win to celebrate; when you are told you didn't make it to the final round to wipe the tears.
Daddy is the one that always seems to know how to make your car run better. He eats those horrible first time recipes and never complains that it isn't fit for even an animal to eat.
My Daddy made sure my values were in the right place. He is always there when I call and even when I don't know I need him, he is there.
So I say Happy Father's Day to the Greatest Daddy on Earth...
long days and pleasant nights.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
stop the bullying
Last night while watching the Cardinals, the commentators told a heartbreaking side story.
An 11 year-old die-hard Cardinals fan had been bullied at school relentlessly for most of the school year. Parents complained but the bully's were never punished. Supposedly the teachers nor administration ever saw what was happening to this child. A couple weeks ago the boy had reached his limit and fought back. What do you know, adults actually saw the retaliation. The boy that had been a victim was suspended from school - his parents called in - the instigators were not punished.
The parents took the child home and went back to work. When they got home from work they found his body in his room. He had put on his Pujols jersey and blown his head off. Yesterday would have been his 12th birthday. Instead of buying a birthday cake, the parents asked the Cardinals for permission to use their logo on his headstone.
If you have a child in school or are associated with children... please talk to them. Relentless teasing is just as bad as physical abuse - could even be worse.
long days and pleasant nights
An 11 year-old die-hard Cardinals fan had been bullied at school relentlessly for most of the school year. Parents complained but the bully's were never punished. Supposedly the teachers nor administration ever saw what was happening to this child. A couple weeks ago the boy had reached his limit and fought back. What do you know, adults actually saw the retaliation. The boy that had been a victim was suspended from school - his parents called in - the instigators were not punished.
The parents took the child home and went back to work. When they got home from work they found his body in his room. He had put on his Pujols jersey and blown his head off. Yesterday would have been his 12th birthday. Instead of buying a birthday cake, the parents asked the Cardinals for permission to use their logo on his headstone.
If you have a child in school or are associated with children... please talk to them. Relentless teasing is just as bad as physical abuse - could even be worse.
long days and pleasant nights
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